Thursday, 21 September 2017

How Our Expectations Stop Us Being Happy

I sometimes come across people who say things to me like "Oh I could never do what you do", or "I wish I had time to paint or create but I'm SO busy..." and it got me to thinking about how the way we think creates our reality.

Things like this happen mostly on a subconscious level, it begins with a simple thought that flashes through our mind about something, like for example, making art.  Perhaps you haven't picked up a pencil or a paintbrush since you were at school?  You might be feeling a bit nervous, or out of the loop and so you tell yourself 'Oh come on, I couldn't possibly do that' because you fear the outcome, you fear looking silly in front of other people, of failing.

And that one single thought seems to lodge somewhere in your mind, and that thing you really want to do, well you think about it a lot because deep down it calls to you and you would LOVE to give it a go, but your critical inner voice is telling you no, no you can't do that - what would your husband say? You don't have time! What if it looks bloody awful? For crying out loud YOU ARE TOO OLD TO START SOMETHING NEW!!!

And that one single thought becomes a belief, and that belief becomes an expectation.  We teach ourselves not to expect to have time to follow our creative dreams, we teach ourselves not to expect a positive reaction from a loved one to our new idea, that age is a barrier to experiencing joy and a fulfilled life.

And when we teach ourselves to believe these thoughts, they become deeply ingrained in our subconscious, our lives follow the pattern of our thoughts you see.

We are the creators of our thoughts - it took me quite a few years to understand that what we focus on becomes our reality, and in turn, our chance to be happy.  Or not.  We limit ourselves with our self imposed belief systems, we tell ourselves we aren't capable or good enough, rich enough or thin enough.  We tell ourselves these stories that shape our lives without us even realising it.  We make ourselves small and in turn, our lives shrink and we become miserable.  We might even stop one day and think - I didn't want it to be like this!  This isn't what I wanted life to look like.  I've had these very thoughts myself, I've stood rooted to the spot and looked around at my life and wondered why I'm stuck, why I haven't achieved what I wanted to achieve?  And it all breaks down to this:

We fear failure, we tell ourselves we can't, we stop expecting good things, that this is as good as it gets.

So, how to change?

It starts with gratitude.  It starts with being in the moment and allowing yourself to be grateful for all that you currently have in your life.  When you start to practice gratitude for the things you already have, you will start to notice life opening up in new ways for you.  You will discover opportunities appearing, and you will feel happier inside.  Gratitude also helps to dissolve fear, it helps us to see how amazing our lives are, and encourages us to say yes to experiences that will enrich our lives further - therefore increasing our level of expectation for more good stuff to happen.

So you have the power to turn it around.  It takes practice, and it takes time.  Your belief systems may have been ingrained for many years and so it's going to take a little time to change your thought patterns.  But it's doable.
Expect daily miracles, expect good stuff to happen, expect to feel good and to feel happiness!

Watch each day how things begin to change when you focus your attention on consciously creating your life by choosing to appreciate what you have and expecting more good stuff to come your way.

You might have a blip - that's ok, and natural - the positive thing about a blip is when you notice it and change your thoughts to get yourself back on track.  Each time you do this you're re-wiring the hardware in your brain to create new neural pathways, which in time will become new belief systems, which in turn, become your life.

Before I go...

My Christmas Hearts Workshop is now filling up - tickets can be purchased through Eventbrite, priced £37.00.
Click here to find out more about this event, and to book your place.

Enter code: get my ticket

Hope you can make it!

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