Creating Slow

I have noticed over the last few weeks that my life and work patterns have changed. Things are slowing down, settling into a new, gentle structure.  I am noticing too, that these changes have affected me in a very positive way and I feel far more content, and much calmer than I have done in a long time.

During my break in the summer, I began to realise that something needed to change.  It wasn't just the business side of things, I felt off too; listless and laden with apathy.  I remember noticing how the self imposed demands of social media were making me feel (both drained and irritable).  Somebody had told me that we need to post content every day to stay in the loop and in people's feeds, and I had adhered to that idea for the longest time, fearing that it would all go wrong if I didn't.  However, I continued, somewhat foolishly,  to ignore my intuition and plowed on regardless, churning out content and slowly losing the love for what I do, and naturally it wasn't long before this feeling seeped into other corners of my life too.

There wasn't a huge lightbulb moment where I woke up one day and suddenly declared 'something needs to change!'; it was more of a gentle spiritual nudge, of slowly coming to an understanding of what those feelings in the pit of my stomach meant, why I felt so tired and uninspired.  And that's when I knew I had to stop and take a break.

I barely went on my social media over the summer, pretty much seven weeks or more elapsed before I shared another post and in that space and time I created for myself, I understood what needed to change.

My life looks very different to what it did four months ago.  I am no longer hurling myself through my day with barely a moments pause for breath.  I am no longer cramming every waking moment with chores and things to achieve, and I've let social media take a back seat too.


The biggest difference for me now, is choosing to live with more intention.

For me this means using the hours of my day carefully, checking in with how the online world makes me feel, and spending more time outdoors in nature.  It's making time each day for some kind of movement whether that's a walk, a jog or some yoga.  I also try and meet up with friends each week, knowing that connection is as important to me as my solitude.

My work patterns have changed too, I no longer work like there's no tomorrow, painting and creating at what now seems to have been a frantic pace.  I make time to research my subject matter, I enjoy taking photographs, creating mood boards on Pinterest, playing with colour palettes and sketching in my book.  My creative pace has slowed right down, meaning that all these things combined makes each moment more mindful, and it feels like ease and contentment has finally become a part of my life.

Another thing I have started to do is to be more mindful, and feel gratitude, every single day.  From the simplest moments of noticing the thin silver fingernail of a new moon in a dark indigo sky; a bird singing outside the studio, to picking the last succulent green beans from the garden. Giving thanks and noticing how these simple pleasures make us feel help to ground us and create a little hit of dopamine, the feel good chemical that our brains release.  It's also helping me to feel more in tune with the season, I'm really aware of the colours in nature, the feel of the cold wind on my face as I walk around the reservoir and the warmth of my thick woollen jumper.

Choosing to live slowly doesn't mean existing at a snails pace, it means embracing each moment with purpose and intention, and making sure each day encompasses the things that make you feel happy and healthy.  It means creating a space where you feel comfortable and safe, whatever that looks like for you.  Its cooking hearty, nourishing food using seasonal vegetables - my current favourite thing to do is to make a big pot of soup and warm a baguette in the oven to slather liberally with thick, salty butter.  Sitting down to enjoy this with my family is a simple pleasure and one that brings us all together at the table to share stories from our day.  And now with the darkness returning, I light candles and put the fairy lights above the fireplace on each evening.  These small rituals help me to return to the moment, to notice the seasonal changes and feel cosy and safe.

I'm also going through my things and letting go of stuff that I don't need or use anymore. Creating space in my home is like letting out a big deep sigh of relief, and while I've still a fair bit of sorting to do (and will never be a minimalist), I am aware of the benefits of a decluttered home and will continue to work on this, one small corner and cupboard at a time.

This didn't all happen overnight, and is more about a life change than just a fad. Each day is a blank canvas, to fill with what brings you joy and what feels good and with winter approaching and the days getting shorter I am more conscious than ever of how fast the days can sometimes slip by, making it all the more important to me to make each one really count.

The Secret to Making Authentic Art

The artists path is not linear, it is a journey that twists and turns, that is wrought with pockets of fear, despair and self doubt, but also feelings of euphoria, achievement and deep joy.  Is there any other profession that is laced so intricately with so many layers of emotion?  Being a creative person, whether in business or for the sheer pleasure of it, is to share your deepest thoughts and dreams, to show people your innermost feelings, a glimpse of your soul.


From our humble beginnings as children at school, where we made curious potato print pictures, and collages from bright paper shapes, we learnt new skills.  Through our educational years we picked up techniques from our teachers, and maybe went on to learn at a more deeper level, at college or university.


When we're studying we have a structure to follow, we know we have to draw the vase with the flowers in it.  We know our homework is to draw a bird.  We know that our friends are going to look at it, that our teacher is going to see it.  We want to do well, get the great feeling that comes with achieving the A grade.  We don't want to look like a fool, so we might even squash our creativity down, conforming to what's expected.

I was once asked to make a mask for a play I was in, and I spent a good hour or so designing what in my eyes I believed to be a masterpiece; bejewelled with sequins and glitter, only to be derided by the director of the performance when I took it into rehearsal. "This is too much.  Do something less fancy, without all the glitter."  And so, a week later I took a bland, felt tipped version in which was accepted as more appropriate.  The art I did as a child at home was very different to what I created at school, as it was done in a space of freedom, without rules or walls.  As we grow, we learn to shape our creativity to what other people expect, learning what works and what doesn't.  We sometimes, unconsciously, take this pattern into adulthood.


Today, with social media and a wide and varied audience of followers to see what you're doing, it can sometimes feel as if you're very much in the same boat, chasing the likes and the nice comments.  The high of being told something is great can insidiously become a feeling worth more than doing the actual work.  Chasing likes and compliments is both seductive and addictive.


Before the Summer, you might remember I told you how I felt utterly caught up in the hamster wheel of social media, feeling the pressure to create something each day that was Instagram worthy (and I know towards the end of this period, it really probably wasn't).  I noticed how the whole process of creating was becoming a daily grind, feeling more and more artificial and almost like a kid at show and tell bragging; "hey, look what I did" and I didn't like it anymore.  It didn't feel authentic, or real.  It felt forced, automatic, and tiring.


I want to say at this point how grateful I am to the folks who choose to follow my accounts. This blog post isn't to suggest I'm not interested in what they have to say.  Choosing to post images of my work now is because it feels like I have something I'd really like to share, with people who are genuinely interested in what I'm doing, and I love connecting with those people!  I no longer post every single day, I'm more thoughtful about what I do choose to put online, and most importantly I'm no longer chasing the high of a bunch of likes.
I had people message me when I announced that I was taking a break over the Summer, they told me "I could see your heart wasn't in it" and I am deeply grateful to them for that honesty, and astonished at how the energy of our art transmutes across the world via the social stage.  People know.


The secret to making your best, authentic art, which is full of inspired energy - the art that makes you feel both vulnerable and euphoric - is the work you create when you act like nobody is going to see it.  I think we need to be bold enough to stretch our wings, to take off into the unknown and explore our own unique ways of making art and what that means to us.  It's about creating boundaries:  Stop comparing yourself with the big social media accounts, stop obsessively looking at numbers and just start making art again, just because you love it, because you have to.  It's part of you.  Your style of creativity is rare; nobody on this planet will ever do it in the same way that you do it.  You'll find some people adore what you do and how you do it,  and others not so much - and that's ok.


Make art like nobody is going to see it.


It's that simple.

I'm not suggesting that you never use social media or take an art class again - but it's about approaching things differently, without constantly craving the applause. Without the pressure of an audience to perform to, you suddenly find you have time and you can make art that flows and that makes your soul happy. You'll feel it, during the process of making it, regardless of what it looks like. You'll know.

And if you do want to share your art, either online or in person with someone, do it because it feels good for you, because it means something to connect and to share your stories.

I also want to say that if you receive positive comments for what you've created - that's great! It's nice to have other people like what you're doing and pay you a compliment and I have so much gratitude for the people who take time out of their day to post nice things on my accounts.  The problem starts when we create the habit of seeking validation outside of ourselves and we begin to lose sight of the truth.  We start to forget what the true purpose of our art is, and how powerful it can be if we just tune in to our inner muse and let the magic happen.

Painting, making, creating...when we choose to show up and make art like nobody is going to see it, we open up a vast amount of space and freedom within our minds, which allows inspiration and new ideas to flood in.  When we are not answerable to anyone, you'll discover that art doesn't have to conform to a standard or an expectation, it doesn't have to look like anything that's gone before.  Working this way allows us to fully relax into the creative process as there is no pressure to please, only space to make beautiful, authentic art, whatever that looks like for you.

What I Learnt on my Summer Break

Is anyone else still astonished that it's September already?  The weeks of the Summer holiday have drifted by, and yet I wasn't prepared for it to end so suddenly; to be roused far too early by an insistent radio alarm clock, drowsily making my way downstairs to prepare coffee, breakfast and packed lunches again.

Despite not wanting the Summer to end, I was also secretly feeling rather excited at the prospect of going back to the studio.  If you read my last post you'll remember I told you I was taking a break from my work, and why.  It took a lot of courage for me to face up to the fact that things weren't working and needed to change, and yet when I eventually accepted this and made the decision to step back for a while to figure out what to do next, I felt the biggest sigh of relief envelope my body.

During the Summer we spent a week in North Berwick in Scotland, it's a beautiful gem of a town on the east coast and despite the weather not being in our favour (torrential rain and storms for the majority of the week), it was a very welcome change of scenery and I loved the place.  

Sitting on the beach on our last day looking out to Bass Rock and the islands beyond, I found myself thinking about painting again.  Of course, it had been something I found my mind wandering to on and off but it was here that I suddenly had the seed of a new idea. I'm not even sure how it came into being, or what inspired it, but as the weeks of the Summer drew on, I felt myself returning to it over and over.

I knew that I wanted there to be more fluency with my work, to create cohesive collections of art and design work based on certain themes.  I made a list in my notebook to refer back to, and let the idea germinate.

As the Summer days rolled by in a gentle, easy way,  I began to start unravelling what wasn't working in my business, and surprisingly, one of the main components of it was actually me.  I saw how I had become increasingly anxious and despondent about  my work, I often struggled with imposter syndrome and the thought that I wasn't good enough. My daily thoughts and beliefs had disintegrated into a very negative place.  

A positive mindset is one of those magical tools of the trade that we really do need in order to thrive.  Once fear or depression begins to creep in, all other kinds of negative chatter can deter us from following our path, and can debilitate the process of succeeding.  Our dreams and goals remain unrealised, panic and anxiety become a part of us, and we can often feel as if we are hitting brick walls without understanding why.  I recall days where it felt like I was walking through thick treacle, achieving nothing, only wasted hours scrolling through Instagram where I would inevitably end up comparing myself to what everyone else was out there doing.  

This also puzzled me a bit, I'd always thought of myself very much as a 'glass half full' person, but I could see (with a little unpicking) that the drag of daily social media updates, of playing small, of mid life challenges and not being bold enough to take bigger steps, had all conspired to halting my progress.  Somewhere along the way I had given over to believing that I wasn't going to make it.  My mindset had turned from 'I can' to 'I can't'.

Again, it feels almost a little awkward to lay this bare and share it with you.  Admitting that 'I' am part of the problem isn't easy, but I do think that accepting what is, is half of the battle because once we do that, we have a starting point to move forward from.

I also chose not to post on Social Media for the entire Summer and at first, I felt afraid that this would have bad consequences.  People would unfollow in their droves, I'd be forgotten. But do you know what actually happened?

Nothing.

The number of followers stayed roughly the same, people were actually still finding me, and following and liking my posts despite not being active.

And this was a revelation.

For months and months I harboured a secret dread each day - what to post.  What content did I need to create?  What did I need to photograph, edit, upload onto Instagram or Facebook today?  And I knew I simply could not carry on doing that.  Not only was it draining, I was finding it dull and depressing.  Following my experiment this summer of not posting for literally 7-8 weeks, I know now that I can still have a social media presence but without the grind of posting daily.  My intention moving forward is to use my spaces on social media a couple of times a week, paring it back to basics and sharing what feels joyful and interesting.  My main focus will now be my email community who I write to a couple of times a month, and this Blog where I will share more regularly about my work process, and things I'm up to.

As we move into September, there are other things unfolding behind the scenes...my new website is almost half finished!  I decided in the holidays that my old one was more than ready to be upgraded, and so it's with great excitement that I can share that my new online home is currently being constructed, and made ready to showcase my new work.  I'll keep you posted about it's launch, but suffice to say it's looking amazing and really reflects me and my new direction.

I have also been looking at my work and stock, and being rather strict about what works and what doesn't.  I think creative people and businesses must do this from time to time, and to be brutally honest about it too.  No point harbouring a load of products (and adding to them) if it's not a good seller.  And this led me to consider having a sale, as a way to make space for my new collections, and to clear some space for a fresh new beginning.

I'm going to be giving my email community the heads up on the sale so that they will have the first opportunity to browse and purchase.  I will be selling lots of originals and prints at drastically reduced prices in order to make the space I desperately need in my tiny studio. If you'd like to sign up to hear about this, you'd be very welcome and can do so by clicking the link in the side bar.

So, to conclude...this Summer has been about rest, stepping back, being honest, allowing new ideas to arise, reading and learning.  It's been about accepting responsibility, making plans for the future and practising positivity each and every day (for me, this is walking in nature, going to the coast, journalling, yoga and meditation, reading books and inspiring blogs).  I don't feel like the same person who last wrote here, I feel like I've grown and changed for the better and that can only be a good thing.  

I'm going to grab a coffee and head down the garden to the studio soon, I'm working on some sketches at the moment for my first collection. The sun is lower in the sky now, the swifts have left I think, and the light filtering through the fading leaves is golden and tinged with the signs of Autumn. 

It's good to be back.

Why I'm Taking a Break

Over the last few months, behind the scenes, there's been a bit of a story unfolding.

I didn't know if I was going to share it here at first, but the time feels right, and besides I didn't want you wondering what had become of me over the summer so I thought I'd tell you what's been going on and what I'm doing about it.

It's always been important to me to share the highs and the lows of my artist journey with you, I never want you to think that I'm out there living some kind of dream life where everything is peachy all the time, because this is a real life and it absolutely isn't.

So, back to the beginning...I think I started to notice that something was wrong during the Winter,  when I would wake up and become aware of a sinking, heavy feeling in my belly.  I put it down to a touch of the Winter Blue's, put my head down and carried on with my work.  

However, each day was becoming more and more like chasing an elusive dream, I couldn't explain why exactly, or what it was that was slipping through my fingers.  

I felt anxiety grow as I noticed the numbers on my Social Media accounts slowly decreasing, and the Likes gradually lessening too.  Now before I go on, let me clarify: it is NEVER about the numbers, for me my work is about connection and making people happy with my art, but of course I'm only human, and seeing things decline is going to have an effect.

I spoke with my artist friends, had they noticed this? What did they think? Was it having an impact?

Yes, seemed to be a resounding answer.  Yes it was.

And on it went.  One algorithm after another seemingly appeared out of nowhere, feeling like an invisible wall, a bewildering mind game, something else to demystify and understand.  You'd hear whispers about 'algorithms' all over the place and I knew it wasn't just me that was in this predicament.  It was becoming harder and harder to be seen online, and as a result, sales slowed down.

Which brings me to now (the moment of vulnerable sharing).

The truth is, my business simply isn't sustainable anymore, in the way that I've been running it.  This is mostly down to the way social media has changed who gets to see things, and yes, those bloody mysterious algorithms!  But it's not just that, its also down to my mindset and self belief which inevitably took a nose dive when I felt that I was falling behind, losing customers, not making enough money.  Social media is making it harder for small businesses, no doubt about it but a negative mindset doesn't help either.  

Is any of this my fault?  Yes, I accept that some of it is - I gradually found myself feeling pretty depressed and anxious, which led to me being unable to work some days because of the fear; fear of the future, fear of not being good enough, fear of having failed.  When you're in that negative place it's sometimes hard to get yourself out of it.  I would move from feeling depressed to feeling angry about how unfair it was...and anger has infinitely more power than depression and I used that to leverage my mind towards being more productive and eventually, feeling more positive.  

I know too that running a business can be really hard work, I've been self employed since the year 2000 and have had my fair share of obstacles and hurdles to overcome.  

The thing is, it can be really hard to accept that something isn't working, believe me I happily buried my head in the sand about all this for a long time, but once we look the problem in they eye, and acknowledge what isn't doing so well then we can take steps to put it right, or make the decision to stop.  And I want you to know if you're reading this and feeling like you're in a similar place, you have to do what feels right to YOU, and know that it is absolutely OK to feel the way you do, and make that choice.

I'm writing this post very much from a positive place today.  I have sat and thought about what to do and I am not ready to give up my work and close down.  I'm fortunately very tenacious (imagine dog with bone) and won't give up without a fight.  I know that to bring my business back up to par, to make it financially viable I am going to have to tackle the problem from a different angle.

So what will I do?

My daughter finishes school for the summer this Friday, so I'll be taking those weeks off to make plans and start taking some new steps forward.  I am studying business, taking workshops and reading books and surprisingly I am really enjoying working this muscle!  Who knew it would be so interesting?  I need lots of new tools under my belt going forwards (managing social media, SEO updates, marketing, growing an email list, etc;) so I'm giving myself the space to learn and educate myself.  I also realise that I can no longer rely on just selling paintings to make a living, so I'm exploring some new ideas which feel exciting and possible.  Right now they are literally seeds, yet to unfurl, but when they do I promise to share more about it with you.

I feel optimistic about the future, I feel like it's an exciting new beginning rather than the end of something.  My business didn't fail, I didn't fail - things just changed and of course this is the truth about life, it's always changing.  

I'm going to wish you a wonderful summer.  Mine will be spent enjoying this new time of growth and discovery, balanced out with evenings under the stars, time with family, walks on the beach, reading, meditating, yoga and rest.

See you soon.

Creative Confidence - my brand new workshop

I've met many people on my journey as an artist, who have said things to me like: "I wish I could do what you do", or "Oh no, I can't draw, I'm hopeless!"

Further conversation would lead down an increasingly familiar path; someone had told them they were no good when they were younger, they'd not had the support or encouragement to follow their dreams (even for fun or as a hobby never mind as an actual career choice).  
Others had just grown up, family life and demanding jobs taking up most of their time until slowly, and without realising, they had simply stopped making art.

I always try and encourage people to give it a try, to carve out a little space to have a go, but I'm often met with a wistful gaze, a shrug of the shoulders and a  resigned smile, or a definite No.

I kind of understand, a resolute "No" often hides low confidence or zero self belief.  Hadn't I been the same, back as a naive eighteen year old college student, when my art tutor had told me that I was never going to make it as an artist?  

Hadn't I gone home that day, flattened by her words, shocked and unable to compute what to do with my life?  Didn't I go into my room that evening, and slowly put all my things away in a cupboard, the grief of realising I was no good -  never would be - making the idea of touching my paints and drawing things again practically impossible?  And when anyone asked if I'd painted anything recently, didn't I say No?

Yes.

All of those things.

And it took a few years before I felt the courage to venture into trying again.

Because of that comment, I made different choices in life, I spent the next six years working in an office for the NHS, in the salaries office no less (my maths grades left a lot to be desired, and it was my least favourite subject at school).  I used to get feelings of nausea on a Sunday evening at the thought of Monday morning, yet I didn't have the courage to leave, I tolerated the long, slow hours because it paid a good wage which allowed me to buy nice clothes, and a car.  

I lived for the weekends but that's no way to live a life.  I look back now and feel sad for my younger self, sorry that she didn't understand that those comments were just somebody else's opinion, that didn't make them right or wrong and that I still had a right to try and follow my passion even if somebody else disagreed.  I wonder now how many other people have had similar experiences, at the hands of someone we look up to and respect?  I'm learning there are many of us.

Some of us manage to find our way back, the passion and need to create finally resurfacing somewhere down the line, as it eventually did for me.  I eventually left that office job and went to University in Devon, eventually graduating as an interior designer.  I went on to run my own creative businesses for the next 19 years - the first one as a sign writer, the second: an artist.

For others though, the barriers are just sometimes too difficult to overcome.  Pain, hurt, fear and shame all block the path to trying again, and this is the reason that I created this course.

I wanted to create a toolkit for people who wanted to make art a part of their lives again but were too afraid or stuck; to teach them that they can and to share the skills I use myself to this day when I'm stalled by self doubt, or fear, to enable them to do so.

Creative Confidence is designed as a self paced Workshop which you can access from anywhere in the world, it's a short course with gentle guidance and journal style prompts with spaces to write.  

In the couple of days since it's been launched, I've had some really wonderful feedback from people:

"Thank you - you've inspired me to get my sketch book out again". CE

"Thank you Julia, what a fabulous course". AH

"Well written, it's really making me think" BK


For me to teach what took me many years to learn, to help people overcome their fears and negative beliefs, brings me a lot of pleasure.  To know that this may have helped just one person would have been brilliant, but it's reaching and helping more people than I could have imagined.

This isn't about turning your life on its head, ditching your job and responsibilities to become a full time artist.  It's about allowing yourself the space within your current circumstances to explore the possibilities of what might happen, to make space in your busy life for creating, to pursue your curiosity, to cultivate confidence and to find the courage to try making art again.

The Workshop is available now, and is an ongoing course which you can access when you like.  Once signed up you have lifetime access as long as the course is live.

If this sounds like something you would be interested in, you can find out more about my Workshop here.

How I stepped out of my comfort zone

Have you ever put off doing something because you feel afraid of it?  Or it might feel overwhelming or uncomfortable?

Stepping out of our comfort zone to do something new can be all of those things, and just recently I made the leap and tackled something I've been putting off for ages.

Video.

Today it seems everywhere you scroll there are videos and livestreams, I'm reading blog posts about how it's the best way to communicate with your customer, and how it's the best way to move your business forward.

And yet, it scared the hell out of me.  So many things to contemplate...first of all, where would I start?  There was so much I didn't know, and so much to learn.  I felt out of my depth watching tutorials on You Tube, and the tech side of it, uploading and editing...well, the sheer volume of knowledge required actually made me shut off my laptop!

So, what did I do?  For a long, long time I shelved it.  I joined Skillshare and watched a couple of good classes and felt the stirrings of excitement and possibility, but when it came to physically getting started, I just couldn't do it!   I wrote notes and ideas down in my biz journal - and they sat there unused for weeks.  That is, until I had a coaching session with Claire Sheehan.

Claire is an artist and coach, and we had a session a couple of weeks ago where she helped me take down some of the blocks I'd created for myself.  She was very helpful in getting me to see the bigger picture.  Instead of launching into an overwhelming, full on video series, Claire encouraged me to make something short and easy, for fun.  Right away the pressure to create something polished and professional disappeared.  And also, I could also see how I'd set this unachievable standard, of making my very first video and it looking like something produced by Universal Studios.  

It's fascinating how we build walls around ourselves to protect us from the unknown.  It feels so comfortable and cosy plodding along in our own predictable way, doing what we know we're good at, yet it doesn't take us any further than our own self made boundaries.

The thing is, we have to learn as we go - it's part of being a human!  We were not put on earth to stagnate and live a dull life.  We have to be able to say to ourselves, you know what?  This is my first attempt and I'm going to give it a go.  I will most certainly make mistakes, but I will learn as I go on, and if I keep on practising I'll get better at it, I'll gain more confidence, develop new skills and my 'thing' will be amazing.  I think back to how I first started with my art work, and it was nothing like what it is now!  I sometimes find old pieces of work that make me cringe, but I also feel proud of myself for deciding to have a go because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be where I am now.

The main stumbling block for me, and I think this applies to all of us when we feel stuck around creating something new, is the fear of looking like an amateur, of people laughing at us or criticising us for our efforts.  Am I right?  Looking like we don't know 'all the stuff', feeling like the new kid on the block...it creates barriers of fear and self doubt and this can be paralysing.  I can see now that I was never going to start making videos with so much emotional baggage!  Claire showed me that choosing to create something small, and for fun, removed the need for it to be perfect.

So, you might be wondering how things are going?  I chose to make a short film about myself and what I do to put on my website.  You are welcome to watch it on my You Tube channel here:

I am planning on doing more videos so you're welcome to subscribe to my channel if you wish to.

The experience of filming out and about, as well as in my studio was a really good experience.  I found out that I thoroughly enjoyed doing it, working out scenes in my mind and scripting it all.  I played around with editing the video in Photoshop, but sadly with the age of my laptop (it is sloooowwww) and so much to figure out, I chose to edit it on my Ipad using IMovie which was so much fun, and so easy.

I am actually now contemplating doing a bit of Vlogging - yes, that's right!  I am so excited by this whole new world that has opened up for me and cannot wait to do more!  This has also made me realise what I might have missed out on by not trying.

Good advice if you're feeling stuck right now:

Make it fun.

If your project or idea feels massive, break it down into small, achievable goals.

Do not worry about looking like a novice, all the best people started somewhere.  Start with what you've got and give it your best shot.

Remember, there's no written rule anywhere that says it has to be perfect.  

Think back to something you have achieved in life, think about something that makes you feel proud.  

Enjoy yourself.

Why opinions will hold you back

Have you ever decided to do something in life, had an incredible idea that totally lit you up from the inside out, and you knew without question that you had to do this thing?  And this idea makes you feel so amazing, you feel so excited to get started and you have bucket loads of enthusiasm and so you tell someone you know about it, and they say:

"Oh, no I wouldn't do that"

or

"That sounds risky/expensive/dangerous...have you thought this through??"

Or even worse, they may even start to point out your flaws and tell you why you'll fail (remember when I listened to the opinion of that art teacher all those years back? The one who told me I wouldn't make it as an artist because I didn't have what it took?  And I listened to her, and I didn't paint for several years.  All because I chose to ignore my own gut feelings, and listen to someone else's opinon!)

And as soon as you get this feedback, literally within a split second, your idea crashes and burns, you feel your stomach go into free fall as the negative feelings of worry and doubt descend.

You start to think "Are they right?  Well, you know they might have a point...it could be risky, I might waste a lot of money doing that...and what if I'm awful at it after all the effort?  You know, it's probably best if I just forget it"  and you talk yourself out of the incredible thing you wanted to do, because someone told you it wasn't possible.

And the problem is, because we respect this person (parent, friend, partner, sibling, tutor etc), we value their response, and we are anxious to hear their thoughts and get their blessing on our new venture.

What we tend to miss in this exchange is a vital detail, and this is why other people's opinions will hold you back.  That person giving you the advice, or questioning your ability?  They're not you, they don't have your abilities and they don't have your vision.  

You need to remember that at this point, they can't see the possibility or the 'how', they haven't got your passion or enthusiasm for this thing, and they want to protect you.  Their fears and limiting beliefs will instantly come to the surface and because they don't want you to fail, they'll try and talk you out of it.

You might want to take a painting class, go travelling, or launch a new business.  It is essential that before you tell anyone about your big idea, that you feel confident enough to resist the naysayers, because I can guarantee you will come up against them, and most surprisingly it'll be the ones who know you best and care about you the most that will be the ones to do this to you.

It's quite hard to ignore advice when it's well meant and from someone you respect, but you have to look at the bigger picture and decide what you want your life to look like.  Do you want it to look like theirs?  Probably not.  Do you want to grow as a person, enjoy new experiences and live your life so it looks the way you want it to?  Of course.  And so you need to learn to breeze past the opinions of others.

Ok, so what if it turns out that they're right, I hear you say.  What if, their sound advice turns out to be dead on the nose and they turn around as you fail and say 'I told you so'.

It doesn't matter.

The fact is, you tried.  You had a go, you gave something you wanted to do your best shot.  Isn't that better than languishing on your couch and wondering 'what if?'  People who want to succeed in life keep trying.  They get knocked back, make mistakes but they pick themselves up and start again.  Learn to be tenacious, if you really want a thing, keep at it until you get it.

And of course, on the other side of the coin there's always the option of not failing, of going for this thing and achieving it, ramping your life up a gear and living it in a way that makes you feel happy and good.

Behind the scenes :: life behind social media

I was on social media a couple of days ago, scrolling through and admiring all the beautiful pictures and I thought, wow...this all looks so wonderful and...well, perfect (which of course it does, people usually only share their best images with us).  And I thought, I wonder what my feed looks like to other people?  It shows me painting in a nice studio, I share pictures of places I've been, my work in progress.  I suppose thinking about it, to some people looking in it might look like a fairly peachy lifestyle going on there.

So it led me to write this blog post today, to share a bit from behind the scenes.

In real life, I live in a small terraced house, built in the late 1800s on the edge of a village near the Pennines (this is a vast area of wild and bleak moorland in the north of the UK).  I often dream of living by the sea (and one day I will again) - the amount of people over the years who have asked me if I live at the coast is amazing - I'm guessing it's all the coastal work I've done that might make somebody think that, but no, we have a humble little house with a leaky back door and a broken gutter that for now, is home.

I try to organise my day as best as I can so that I'm making the best use of the time I've got before my daughter comes home from school.  Some days are great, and I feel very efficient and on the ball.  These are the days where I might do a couple of social media posts, and a bit of work in progress films for my Instagram Stories.  I enjoy my days when they are full and rewarding, I like to cook and take walks, notice the small stuff like flowers blooming or a sudden sky full of swallows diving and swirling above. 

Other days don't look like that.  I sometimes struggle with fatigue and migraines, and instead of pushing through (as I used to) I have learnt to allow time to feel better and practise a bit of self care to replenish the energy levels.  On days like that it can feel frustrating when all I want to do is crack on, but in the long run I know that a rest, a bit of yoga or a nice walk with my family will pay dividends.

I sometimes get anxiety or feel a bit flat, especially in winter.  Winter is my nemesis and each year I try my best to navigate this difficult season as best as I can.  In the last few weeks I have instigated a new routine of walking three times a week, whatever the weather.  I tend to develop hermit like tendancies come January, but I am committed to keeping this up, and on really dark days will perhaps go swimming instead.

Some days, I don't have any inclination to paint at all.  As I shared in last weeks blog, creative funks can appear out of nowhere and at first are disconcerting and the cause of much anxiety as I fret and worry over what's going wrong.  Apathy is an unwelcome visitor and at times like this, the last thing I want to do is post pictures of my work, as I feel so detached from it!  It's something I'm learning to handle, rather than dwelling there for too long, but it still knocks the wind out of my sails when it happens.

I have an eleven year old daughter who has just started high school.  She is an absolute sun beam but like all children, has her own growing pains which need tending to.  Family life is very rewarding but it can also be super challenging at times too.

Hurdles still show up for me, and they will continue to do so, because that's life.  It's a journey of highs and lows, and we are always going to find ourselves in negative situations with people, or just with ourselves and our own state of mind as we go through life.  These moments for me are not instagrammable, and to be honest, I wouldn't enjoy scrolling through my feed if it were full of depressing content!  I like to feel inspired and uplifted by what I see.

These days I recognise when I need to detach from social and give myself some breathing space.  I leave well alone for a bit and come back when I've got something positive to share.  I'm not going to start posting super personal or depressing stuff on my social channels because I don't think it's professional or relevant to why I'm on there, my aim is to inspire people by what sharing what I do and how I do it.

I suppose the main message of this post is a gentle reminder that behind every photograph is a real person (even I forget sometimes as I compare my life with the photoshopped perfection that I see daily).  Social media is a place where people share their best bits, and it's wise to remember that as we scroll.

How to deal with a post summer funk

The Summer holidays are over.  September, golden and gentle, nudges us back into our routines with a bang - early morning starts, school uniforms to be ironed, the morning rush...and after a long summer of not rushing about, it can feel like a bit of a shock to the system to suddenly be plunged back into normal life again.

This year my daughter started high school.  There was a fair bit of anxiety about the transition - understandably so - it's a huge leap and the last few days of the holidays were spent trying to help and reassure her about her first day.  

In the final couple of weeks, I'd noticed myself fighting the growing urge to go into the studio to paint, film classes and generally get back to what I love to do.  But there were family days out, picnics, uniforms to buy, places to go and there wasn't the time.  I kept a sketchbook close to hand for these moments, so that I could quickly draw out an idea or write a few notes about something that had inspired me.  My aim was to come back to this journal when school started again, fresh and ready to go.

Only this time, that didn't happen.

Sensibly, I knew that it would take a day or so to adjust to the silence that had fallen upon the house.  Six and a half weeks of bustle, chatter and laughter had been replaced by a quiet so profound you could hear a pin drop.  I was suddenly on my own, and as I realised this, the dawning of another truth also made itself known.

I had no inclination to paint at all.

I felt spent, all of a sudden and without warning I felt completely drained, and as detached as a boat from it's moorings, bobbing about in some strange and turbulent sea.  I didn't know where to put myself or what to do.

I gazed through the window of my studio and felt only apathy.  I didn't want to go in - couldn't bring myself to go in.

It'll pass, I thought.

But it hasn't.  At least not yet.  I couldn't understand it at first, recalling all those times I'd longed to go down, play with those buttery acrylics and cast the first wash of a new painting.  The feelings of anticipation had been akin to waiting for Santa as a child, and yet here I was feeling empty and with no inclination to do any of those things. 

There's a few reasons why this has happened.  First off, my happy, easy going summer has ended abruptly.  My family have returned to school and work, leaving me alone.  If I'm honest, I am struggling with the silence and my own company as I resign myself to the fact that Autumn is approaching with some speed and I now have a job to do.  Too much of a good thing can create the biggest weight of apathy when it suddenly comes to an end.

I then got knocked for six by a migraine which lasted into the weekend and really took the wind out of my sails.  

I was reading a blog post by my friend and fellow artist Claire Sheehan just yesterday in which she talked about how we can manage our peaks and troughs with self care.  I looked back over the previous week and realised just how much energy (both physical and emotionally) I had spent on various things, and how this had taken its toll (fatigue and migraine, I'm looking at you).  It sometimes takes a word from someone else to remind me that my own self care is also important during big life changes and transitions, and I realised that once again in an effort to tend to everyone else, I'd left myself behind.

The other thing I've decided to do to help myself is to just simply admit that I'm in a funk, and to give myself permission to be in it.  The fact that I know I'm in the midst of one (in that I can recall very clearly what it's like not being in one) tells my logical brain that they're not permanent and this will pass - and the very fact I'm writing a blog post is telling me I'm probably coming out the other side.  

There is often a temptation when you're in this particular state to panic, forge ahead, and rush about accomplishing nothing.  I'd consider making a list of things you do need to accomplish, to remove the fear and panic, and then give yourself an amount of time to fully feel your funk before starting to make headway with your list - one item at a time.  It might be that you have a day, a few hours or a week!  It depends how flexible your time is, but overall you need to acknowledge how you are feeling and give yourself time and space to repair and heal.

It's important to take a bit of time, resting might seem counter productive when you feel like you've got lots to do, but believe me, your future self will thank you for it once you're up and running again.

And so, I have my list, I'm easing myself gently back into social media and have started adding to my course notes which I started to compile in the summer.  I'm moving through the day as mindfully as possible, listening to what my body needs most and doing the best I can to provide it - be it a bowl of hot soup or a walk in the woods.  Taking ownership of this funk and working out why I'm in it has really helped me gain some clarity on how best to deal with it, and has reminded me that self care is always the most important thing that we can do for ourselves. 

Why you need to change the story you're telling

You'll never make it as an artist.

Those words jolted me from my daydream like a slap in the face.  

I was sitting in a small office at the back of the college art room in the middle of a tutorial.  It was stuffy and crammed with files and boxes and art materials.  Outside the window I could see trees and leaves moving in the wind, and there was the hum of distant traffic on the street below.  Outside, life went on as normal and my art tutor continued to talk, shuffling some papers and taking sips of her coffee.  

She didn't know she had just dropped a bombshell which had blown my dreams apart.

I sat frozen to my chair, feeling small and vulnerable, fighting the tears that threatened to spill, along with the sudden rush of panic, fear and embarrassment that enveloped me.  The tutorial ended, and she turned away to write some notes.  I didn't know what to do or think, I probably smiled politely and mumbled thank you - thank you for what? For pulling the rug out from underneath me? For destroying my self confidence?  For shattering my dreams?

I was eighteen years old, and those words created something that became my story for the next few years.  I no longer believed in myself and my abilities.  In those days, we were raised to respect our elders and believe what they told us - why wouldn't we? They were experts in their fields, it wasn't like it is today.  I never thought to challenge her and shout "You're wrong!" - I never thought to follow my calling despite what she had said, because I'd been told by someone in authority, an art lecturer, that I was no good.  Her words held weight, and I believed them.

And over time, I let those words shape me.  I let my paints gather dust, my sketch books lay untouched and slowly, insidiously, the rot seeped in and I stopped being an artist.  I turned my back on it all.  Her opinion became the only voice I heard, it crowded out my fragile sense of self belief, it crushed my hope.  It was a long time before I found the courage to paint again, and when I did it was the sweetest moment.  It was like coming home.  In the years that followed my life has been full of creativity, and I look back with sadness and tenderness at that young eighteen year old girl, who didn't have the confidence to listen to her own voice.

What are you not doing, or putting off because you don't believe you can do it?

Who, or what was it that stood in your way?

What happened in your life that stops you doing what you love now?  What story are you telling yourself that prevents you taking the next step? 

Unless it's completely life threatening or dangerous, then why are you still believing that you can't?

It's time to ask yourself if the story you believe is even still true.  For me, the feeling of not being good enough was numbing, but eventually the nudge to make art became too great to ignore.  I started tentatively painting again at home, then I did an evening class in Interior Design before going to University where I had superb art tutors who really encouraged me.  My self belief soared.  The trick is to take small steps - don't imagine that your first piece of work has to be gallery worthy, just make a date to get some colour onto paper, buy a beautiful skein of yarn, or make a mood board of things that inspire you.  Each step you take is a step in the right direction, you're changing your story every time you choose to say yes to what lights you up.

It doesn't matter what level of ability you are at either, deep down we all have a seam of creativity, a spark that comes alive when we tend to it.  I want you to think about what you enjoy or love, and what makes you feel excited and alive.  Now go and do it.  

One small step.

There are millions of ways to express ourselves, but believing we can't isn't one of them.  It's time to re-write your story and start again.

The Emotional Side of Creative Business :: Things I've Learnt

It was the summer of 2006 when I made the decision to wind down my work as a freelance sign writer, and spend more time on my art.  It had long been a dream of mine to work as an artist and taking the plunge was an exciting and scary moment.  Looking back now, I can see just how naive and uneducated I was on the whole business side of things though.  Yes, I could paint and draw, it was my passion (it still is) but I was an utter novice in those early days when it came to the deeper aspects of earning money and keeping a creative business rolling along.

There's also the emotional side of running a business that I knew nothing about, it's not just about making pictures and selling them - believe me, when you set up a business you literally invest not only your money, but your heart and soul into it.

So today, I'm sharing a few things that have helped me grow my business over the years, and how to navigate the soulful side of working for yourself - the emotional side is a really big part of it and I was completely unprepared for the solitude/loneliness element of working as an artist from home.  I had come from working as a sign writer, where I travelled up and down the country working with lots of people for several weeks at a time on contracts.  It was hard work and a very transient existence in some respects as we were always on the road, but there was always company and familiar faces so you never felt isolated.

One thing I've discovered over the years is that it is super important to keep yourself connected with other people if you work by yourself.  I have days where the solitude is blissful, and truly enjoy my own company - other times, I suffer from cabin fever and feel desperately lonely and isolated.

Making plans to meet friends for coffee, or spending quality time with family is absolutely essential when you're a solopreneur.  I've also learnt that if I recognise those negative feelings creeping in, a phone call to my sister or partner, or a natter online with a couple of good friends can help to shift that, and I feel more connected again.  If nobody is about and I feel this way, I'll go for a walk for half an hour or so, just to clear my head.  And sometimes I go to a coffee shop with a notebook and pen, and enjoy the buzz of being around others while dreaming up new ideas, or emptying my brain of all the fog.

You have to be disciplined and this isn't always easy if you feel tired, you've got the kids off school or the house needs a tidy.  There's no boss to tell you what to do, as that would be you - yep, you're the boss, sounds cool doesn't it?  But it comes with responsibilities - you have to take charge and do things, you're only answerable to yourself after all, and if you don't do it, it won't get done.  For me, discipline is the thing that keeps my ship afloat, if I don't show up and do what needs to be done each day, my business flails.

You're also going to have times that feel scary and out of your depth - this is usually indicative of a time to grow and expand, yet moving into change can feel really frightening when we've been used to doing things a certain way.  Habit is comfortable and safe right?  But in order to grow as a person and as a biz, you need to find the confidence to step up and say "I can do this!"

I've got myself an emotional support kit that I've created over the years which helps me to feel better equipped when life chucks things at me like this.  Yoga and meditation are a huge help (and I try and do this every day).  Cultivating a daily self care practice has become essential, for years I have unconsciously put myself last (as I feel many women naturally do) and focused on my family, but I've learnt that time looking after me actually gives me more energy to navigate all the ups and downs in life. 
Walking, exercise and journaling are good tools to clear the mind, there's nothing like an hour in the woods on a brisk walk, or ten minutes thrashing everything out on paper to clear the head.

And if, after all this, there is still a feeling of being scared or stuck?

Ask for help, or learn how to do what it is you need to do to get to where you need to be. 

It's no use pretending you know what you're doing if you don't, you're just going to wind up going around in circles getting nowhere if you do that - so don't be too proud to say, you know what? I don't know how to do this, I need some help.  There are a gazillion websites, mentors, books and resources that you can utilise now, you just need to find someone who you click with and whose teaching resonates with you.
I am learning new things every day, and that helps me to enrich my life and grow my business too.  It's a win-win.  We're never too old to learn something new, and the beauty of the internet is that there is so much information at our fingertips, you couldn't pick a better time to start a business with all the incredible resources that are now available.

Here are a few really good websites that have, and continue to help me and business thrive:

The Girls Mean Business

The Creative Business Network

Dare to Grow

The other side of the coin to all of this of course, are the good feelings: the excitement of creating your art, the delight of making your first sale, getting a painting accepted into an exhibition, of earning money from doing what you love.  It can feel euphoric and wild and utterly wonderful and the best bit about it is, is that you engineered that yourself.  You did it. 

Nobody else.

Satisfaction from creating a product, marketing it, and finding customers who love what you do and who buy from you is something that still feels amazing to me now, after working for myself for 18 years.  It spurs me on, my self belief blossoms and it gives me the confidence to continue. 
Every achievement, no matter how big or small is all down to things you learnt and implemented.  When you overcome the tough parts and realise a dream, hit the jackpot, make the sale, meet the goal - that was you.  Give yourself a high five for that, give yourself a high five anyway, just for showing up and deciding to make a go of it each day.  That takes courage, willpower and dedication.  It's a rollercoaster ride working for yourself, but my goodness, it's worth every minute.

Inspiration and Where To Find It

Yesterday, for the first time in what feels like such a long time, the sun shone and the sky was blue.  There was a cold wind and the birds were singing and flitting about, that delicious feeling of Spring arriving washed over me in a happy, joyous wave - how I look forward to this day when suddenly it is a given - despite all the foul weather and the cold - things are happening and growing, the light and the warmth is returning!

I spent a good hour or so tidying the garden feeling rather blissful about it all, I don't do winter very well, although I try my best to appreciate all the seasons.  I'm a person who craves light and heat, and in the darker months I feel myself retreating and lying low.  Perhaps this is necessary, a modern hibernation to regenerate the spirit and develop new ideas.  Spending time in the garden always relaxes me and lifts my mood though - it's such a tonic to work with plants and earth - and it was a pleasure to have that time where I didn't have to really think about anything else other than the tasks I was working on. 

After my gardening spree I headed off to the shops to pick up some groceries and stumbled upon these gorgeously scented tiny daffodils, and sprigs of pussy willow - does it remind anyone else of soft rabbit tails?

I brought them home, and instantly knew that I would want to paint them.  I spent some time faffing with them, rearranging them and enjoying their fresh perfume.  I could picture the painting in my mind, and it seems like a good one to start as I carry on with my large commission job (I love commissions, but I also like to have something of my own to potter along with too).

When the idea to paint these flowers arrived, I felt instantly excited about it.  Inspiration doesn't always strike so vividly but this as I've discovered before, is the best way to let it happen.  The trouble is, you can't force it, or manipulate it.  This kind of vision comes out of the blue, somewhat randomly and very unexpectedly.  You need to seize it when it does because the energy of it doesn't linger.  Get the idea on paper, photograph it, write about it...keep it alive in your journal or your camera if you cannot get on with it straight away.  It's essential to capture the magic of the new idea, and by doing these things it means you can come back to it and refresh your memory with the feelings it initially provoked.

You see, you can spend hours on social media or Pinterest and so on, admiring what other people are doing or purposefully seeking out something to emulate or do.  This is fine, we learn as we go from what others have done before us but there is nothing as original as a bolt of inspiration that you create with your own imagination and feelings.

The trick to receiving these is to be mindfully aware of what's going on around you.  Start to take notice of the ordinary things happening in your life, take time out to breathe in and out, to notice what sounds you can hear, scents you can smell, what the weather might be doing...how does the sun feel on your skin? How does the birdsong make you feel? 

Taking a walk is usually a catalyst to firing up the inspiration channels, it works every time for me in some way - problems are solved, ideas magically appear.  It's about switching off from our routines and letting our bodies soak up each moment. 

You'll know when the magic is happening because you'll feel a firework of excitement go off in your belly, your whole being will light up in anticipation - it feels right and good, and you know you're on the right track.  Start taking a few moments in your day to tune in to what's going on around you, immerse yourself in your tasks really paying attention to the smaller details and see what magic comes up for you.

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Happiness

I have a new range of prints and cards coming to my shop very soon, titled Happiness, it is such a bright and joyful picture!

I'll keep you posted as to when these are available; to keep up to date with new painting releases and news you are welcome to subscribe to my mailing list, you can find out more details here.

How to grow the confidence to do what you want to do in life

My Mum used to tell me to go into the Catering business when I was a teenager thinking about options.  She said, everyone will always need to eat and drink, you'll always make a living with that as an occupation.  She had a point, and for a while I even considered it - I applied to the local University to do Hotel, Catering and Institutional Management (I had wild dreams of running a B&B in Newquay, Cornwall, a place where we spent holidays as children and for a time I truly thought this was my path in life to follow, I aimed to please).  Sadly, my grades didn't quite meet the requirements of securing a place on this course and like most things in life, everything happens for a reason and as I grew older, I understood why.

I was never going to work with food and drink, at the very core of my being was a creative streak so deep and strong it eventually couldn't be ignored. 

Upon realising I wasn't going to lark about at University for the next few years,  I got a job working in the wages department of the NHS in Sheffield.  This ticked the 'get a sensible and well paid job' box, I successfully ignored my true calling and spent the next six and a half years being a receptionist and a wages clerk, entering nurses hours into a big computer and filing things before deciding enough was enough.

What cracked?  What made me decide to leave and go to the University of Plymouth to study Interior Design? 

It got to the point whereby I couldn't stand going into that office.  I felt stifled and miserable, my entire body told me on each weekday that I was doing the wrong thing, I lived for the weekend and suddenly I realised that was no way to live a life.  I had a calling to be a designer, I wanted to live by the sea, and for the first time in my life I broke away from the Expectations of Others and chose to follow my dreams.

Why do we ignore our callings?

Because I did, for many years.  I was in awe of authority figures and what my parents told me held a lot of weight.  I believed the whole caboodle of studying hard at school and college, getting a sensible job (see above), finding a chap and settling down....I know (insert eye rolling)...but that's how things were back then.

Today, younger people seem so much  more switched on than I was, they seem to be more sure and certain of what they want to achieve and do.  Perhaps it's just me that sees it that way?  Or perhaps we were casualties of being kids in the 70s (although I'm sure our folks just had our best interests at heart when they guided us to follow those old fashioned, traditional goals).  I've learned that doing what you love involves confidence to make changes and challenge old belief systems, and I didn't have much in the way of confidence to be honest.  It took me quite a few years before I even dared use the phrase Artist to describe what I did for a living!

Self belief is like a magic key, if you believe in your abilities and you can visualise where you want to be and what you want to be doing, life seems to send you the right sort of opportunities to make it happen.  Sounds like woo-woo magic right?  Well, maybe it is, who knows?  The only thing is, I've learnt that when I'm thinking with this mindset, things happen, and when I feel waves of doubt and despair coming over me, it goes a bit...well...wrong.

It takes practice to grow confidence.  Maybe you are already a superbly confident sort, and I must say I'm a little envious of you!  I still have days where I struggle with what I believe I'm capable of but I'm learning that if I challenge those fears and get back on track by deciding how I want to feel, I can move more swiftly into a better feeling place instead of languishing about in fear and despair for days, feeling awful and depressed.  We have to live like we already are that super confident person, even if we aren't!  By doing this regularly, we eventually rewire the neural pathways in our brain, we start to believe what we were pretending to be and in essence, our lives change to reflect that.